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Here's some history bitches! (Fan e-mail)

Hey guys,

You know Andrew isn't the only history nut in the group. I have my degree with a major in history so he's some more knowledge bombs for ya.....

Octavius

This creepy ass Roman emperor led for almost 3weeks in 43ce. His assists stabbed him to death because his “roman” (roaming) eyes drive them crazy. It was later discovered he just had bad seasonal allergies.

Legolass

This Roman emperor led for 4years (89ce to 93ce). He was a performer at heart and participated in the gladiatorial battles. Though he didn't battle he would walk around the arena trying to pump up the crowd saying things like “doth want tho bitches to die?” and “call my name call my name…..no really call my name or your next”. He later died as a result of his vanity when he lost himself looking in a mirror and walked in front of a carriage and was ran over. His last words was, “I was the

Optimus Douchbagus

This emperor led from 101ce to 104ce. He had a infatuation with believing that metal aliens came from another planet to either save us or enslave us. He even made weird ass costumes and ran around the various political offices saying everyone had to “roll out” and he wanted to Transform the way politics were handed. They stonned him to death for just being a dumb fuck.

This is Us-Is

These leaders are generally lumped together because they all ruled over a7 month time period in 56ce. What started out great quickly begot a bunch of inner bickering that led to many strangling, poisoning and hair pulling. They all killed themselves over petty grievances.

Jollius

This Bastard ruled for 4days in 70ce. They killed him by boiling him alive when he tried to get everyone to only eat their vegetables. He eventually got his wish when they fed his remains to a neighboring group of cannibals from Crete.

Maximums overdrive

He was instrumental in the creation of mass transit in the empire around 11ce but died due to some really bad acting. Very bad acting.

And finally…..

Zachius the Emu

He led rome to victory over many warring factions from the North and from Africa. His Emus of death tore through some of the greatest military forces with great ease. Many hold zachius in such high regards for his tactics and handling of animals but his lack of foresight led to his untimely death when the food rations meant for his killing beasts got lost and they turned on him. They later fled to new Zealand by charter boat to escape being punished or worse….having to perform in local circus acts.

Hope you enjoyed

Mattimus Franz

Denver CO United States

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